i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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