I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
