I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
