dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
