im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
