I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize