I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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