I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
being pregnant is like rehab
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
