The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize