It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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