I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
