I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
