If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
