I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
