OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Of course I have a pirate flag
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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