I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
