so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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