My room smells like vodka and shame
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
