I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
