I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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