I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
