we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
