Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
