Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
