he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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