im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
