My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
