Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize