Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
