if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
