I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
