Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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