Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
