I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Less talking, more tequila
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize