He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
