I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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