First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
