Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
