brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
