if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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