Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
