You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
