i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
