i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
