How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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