what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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