Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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