we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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