i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
