Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize