They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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