wanna go halves on a baby?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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