dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
