his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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