heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize