I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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