Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize