Rock
Scissors
Fuck
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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