and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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