he wants to bone in the snuggie
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need water and some morals
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
