I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
