the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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