he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
