I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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