the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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