She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
