Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
