Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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