Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
