I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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