Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
