her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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