I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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