we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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