someone get that fucking seahorse.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
