Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You can't just leave with hair like that
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
