im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
