In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
