remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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