and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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