Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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