Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
