Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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