went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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