I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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