Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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