Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
