Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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