I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize