If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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