Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
