I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
