haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
