you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
