you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
