Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
