with your own penis?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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