Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish there were birth control emojis
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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