Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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