Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
