I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
