Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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