We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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