I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
