I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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