you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
