after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
